Paranoia and fear

Paranoia and fear, that is what we, lone human beings are reduced to…
Somehow these issues are even more disparate here, even as far as unemployment in time of need goes…there basically isn’t any. Even if you do get it, it is a ridiculously low amount that only lasts you 6 months and to get by you are basically forced into a black/grey market economy just to pay the friggin rent and a package of ramen noodles, just to have something in your stomach…

Not to mention the absolutely ridiculous labor reps and their equipment, I almost lost my unemployment when some documentation I sent could not be opened on their comp…and it was just a simple text file…wtf…
And we are a country that slashes the highest amount from people’s salaries for so called “social” fees, and then get the least back out of anyone in the EU???

But more below the belt is, as you hint, this total switch into selfishness it brings onto people…lose your job and people not only divorce themselves from you, they stay away as though you are bringing the black plague onto them. And I won’t even start to comment on any family relations…

I’m sort of in a mind frame, ok, work, no notion of career, just gather up some reserves so you can last for a year or two if next time, or figure out a place on this silly planet that isn’t all that fucked up and move there…..the problem is, does such a place exist??

I’m ranting a bit, I know, but it is just so bewildering….

peace! 🙂


I still have not adapted to things the way they are. What bothers me is how paranoid I have become after getting fired and rehired. It seems like everything is about keeping the job and I really have not gotten a handle on my emotions. I never took the job thing all that seriously before, but know I find myself worrying way to much about this shit. I’ve had this CIA job now for 3 years, but I still feel like I’m just hanging on. I figured it might be helpful for you to know how I have delt with this and hopefully you will not have as bad a time as I have. I think you are like me in that you probably never paranoia about work. I found it has been something of a shock. But lately, I’ve been doing better at thinking about other things other than work, so maybe I’m finally getting a grip on this. In the end it is good that you have gotten another job, but beware of the effects all this will have on you. I was totally not prepared and it took a while to even figure out what was troubling me. It is like being forced to be a different person. You want to fight it, but it’s almost impossible to not worry. Anyway, I hope you now have full benefits and such. That alone is valuable.


I hear that.  Relief, indeed. But with the waning of ever present
nervousness that has become so everyday, feel just how ragged both
mentally and physically I am.

Seriously, thought I would end up on the street or lose it and get
incarnated in a loony bin were fucking real….
society is just so fucked up now.

society, evil, social, fear, paranoia

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  • mikrez  On 11/01/2010 at 04:46

    Every year for 13 years I had gone to a Kinko’s shop on Madison and 34th Street to get my Xmas cards printed. Now there is a real pressure to upload files and get things printed without proofing first. When I physically went to the shop to get a business card done recently, I was told it would cost double and was brought over to their computer to look at the same website I saw on my own. It is part of an ongoing trend of eliminating human connect in retail transactions. There is a CVS drug store up the block from me that forces people to use the self-checkout machine, swipe barcodes and pack their own stuff. It is a real drag to be doing a big corporation’s work for them.
    I recently was almost canned and dread the idea because of a real lack of opportunity. The Chinese are buying up a lot of Jewish-owned clothing companies and running them like slave drivers. Dick has been working at Newsweek, which was recently bought by Sydney Harmon of Harmon-Kardon stereos. People are being fired/outsourced in droves and he has the same kind of dread after the very long unemployment he had.

  • mikrez  On 11/02/2010 at 02:55

    Not if I have anything to say about it ~ working on projects things are finally coming together a little bit slow going but making a little head way not seeing $ side of anything yet that will help me to take ideas a little further but just plugging along best I can 2.

    I know how u feel completely it sucks and it is hard as hell to keep a smile on our faces some days. But Keep pushing sweetheart u will make it through this shit~ I know it is extremely hard right now find the good friends and people and keep them close screw the rest at least u are seeing true colors of people right now. Use the down times to channel ur creative energy get Painting even if it is Dark that comes out~ sometimes that is the greatest of works there is always a light from a dark time remember know that in your soul and Keep swimming 😉 ♥

  • tagesgeldkonten  On 11/09/2010 at 11:20

    I usually don’t post in Blogs but your blog forced me to, amazing work.. beautiful …


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